You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
