just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
