why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
