sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
