i was rollin on her like bob the builder
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
