He uses pillows to masturbate.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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