Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
