Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
