So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
