what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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