The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
