think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she peed on how many people?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
