So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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