I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
