it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
