The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
