listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
