Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
