Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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