ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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