Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
