Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize