halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
