listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
