You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
