so let's talk penis.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
