we have pet lesbian snakes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize