dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
