Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
