So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
send nudes
from the living room?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
