is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
