Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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