The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize