when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
