if you like me you must not know who I am
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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