1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
