Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize