I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
