if you like me you must not know who I am
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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