Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
