you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
