Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
