Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
