Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
