so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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