don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
