I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize