First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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