he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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