drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
