Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
MIDGETS
????
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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