Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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