mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
