I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
