Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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