Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
zippers are such a cool invention
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
