Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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