The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
