Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dicks are not precious.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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