Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
