So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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