if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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