If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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