he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
