Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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