either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
