Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
