I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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